got a low C on chem midterm....hmmm, yeah...it was one of the past papers...but but but... anyways.. (short attention gap, forgets about my chem midterm)
well, lets see... not very productive today..but a bit better than yesterday and the rest of this week. i finished 2lab write-ups in like 2hours, awesome! ^_^ (not much works and calculation needed, dats y) oh well... then... i talked to an icq friend who also writes excellent stories in chinese (sounds as if i write excellent stories, lol) anyway!! it's good to talk to her...^^ i still remembered she left me a msg on my guestbook a long time ago. it was all encouragement and appreciation,etc..i was really touched...but she didnt reveal her identity and just left it "anonymous"... i tried looking for the "anonymous"... but i didnt know how that was until one day she icqed me and asked me how was i and stuff. so i was like, "do i know u??" cuz she sounded all friendly as if she knew me for a very long time. then she finally said, i left u a msg on ur gustbook before! that heart-warming msg was the only anonymous msg i got in years. SO IT WAS HER! when i read her msg, it'd still touch me. i think we talked before on some of her problems and she said that i helped and comforted her. although i CANNOT REMEMBER at all (when was it? what did i say? what was ur problem?) i'm sorry... i was pretty active on that BBS before and i sorta stopped going for a very long time and RARELY went back. well, my point is that, it's such an incredible feeling to talk to some close friends whom u haven't talked to for like so long.... i used to have lots of icq friends and ofcourse i stopped talking to them as what happens to almost everyone who goes online. but i still keep in touch with a few online friends... yes, u people who think i totally forget about u, please icq me or leave me a msg and tell me how have u been!! and stop changing ur nicknames on icq!! i stopped doing it, so u should too... =p okay, my shower away msg has been on for like 15mins..i think i should really go take a shower now. ta
oh, btw, i jacked a 100ml beaker and some napkin from our chem department, yes, i steal. anyways, i paid $40 lab material fee (on top of my tuition)...thats for accidents such as breaking the beakers,etc.

woke up late on monday at 9:30...roomie woke me up for the first time..i was dreaming of having a conversation with someone. i remembered that i was just really happy to get to talk to that person,etc. yeah...whatever.

Green You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

talked to friend about relationships over the phone today for 25mins. i tried my best to help and share my experience. i hope she'll be fine cuz i survived.

today is such a beautiful day, all sunny and hot, what's better than that? it gives me energy to do whatever that needs to be done. however, i have no midterm till next fri. what's there to worry? (sigh, yes, must procrastinate) =p

¯u¥¿ªº·R¡A¬O¦b¯à·Rªº®É­Ô¡AÀ´±o¬Ã±¤ true love, is when u are able to love the person u know how to treasure him/her and every moment
¯u¥¿ªº·R¡A¬O¦bµLªk·Rªº®É­Ô¡AÀ´±o©ñ¤â true love, is when u aren't able to love the person (or when the relationship is not going anywhere) u know how to let go
¦]¬°¡A©ñ¤â¤~¬O¾Ö¦³¤@¤Á¡K¡K because, letting go means gaining more
Ä@©p¡ã¡ã
¦b¬Ã±¤ªº®É­Ô,¦n¦n¥h·R i hope u'd continue loving when u treasure the relationship and everything in it
¦b©ñ¤âªº®É­Ô,¦n¦n¯¬ºÖ¡K¡K¡K¡K that u'd give blessings to the other person at the time when u let go
¼w°ê§@®a¡A©|«Où»¡¹L«Ü­@¤H´M¨ýªº¸Ü¡G a german author had said,
¡u¤H¥ÍµS¦p¤@¥»®Ñ¡C·MÄøªº¤H±N¥¦¯ó¯ó½¹L¡AÁo©úªº¤H«o·|±N¥¦²Ó²Ó¾\Ū¡C "life is like a book. stupid/dumb people would take a glance at it, smart/wise people would read it carefully and pay attention to every detail
¬°¤°»ò©O¡H ¦]¬°Áo©úªº¤Hª¾¹D¡A¥u¯àŪ¤@¦¸¡C¡v why? cuz the wise know that, they can only read it once."

just got back fr berkeley attending the UCLGBTIA 2002 Queer All Directions....well, it was okay. yes, okay. anyways, i was just exhausted from running around for all day in UCB. hmmm, nice seeing alex and other happy members. though i was too chicken to go up to some butches to say hi (hehe), i'm sure they saw me and stuff. somehow, butches check each other out, hehee, it's more like a competition kinda thing. for me, i'm just happy to see butches. oh well, too bad didnt get to know them. they live far away anyways.oh yes, i spent like...$72 in 3days. HOW IN THE WORLD COULD MY MONEY BE GONE SO FAST?? i just got likie 60bucks on friday. fuck. hehe, thats it, i guess i'll have to find food fr the trash for a month. (well, fine, i'll go to DC) anyways, got hws to do. no more chitchatting here with myself.

OH MY GOD, THE PROF GAVE US THE EXACT PRACTICE MIDTERM TODAY!!! altho i knew i did a few multiple choices wrong (cuz i forgot about which are the correct answers), it's okay. i think i get at least a B-. and i bet u the curve is gonna be VERY high. but oh well!! i'm just happy that i basically didnt have to work out the problems and just circled the correct answers i remembered fr doing the practice midterm.

slept at 2 studying for chem. got freak out after going over some very long and hard problems on the practice midterms *tear*...just totally lost confidence in myself, sigh. why now? anyways, whats scary was that i had a dream working on chem problems and still got stuck on them!!! WTF!! *talks to chem* leave me alone!!! SIGH. i used to like chem...but but but...thought that i may fail this midterm just freaks me out.

its funny how the motivation or incentive to live for my roomate is to eat!!! my goodness.... this is so hilarious....^o^ sigh, that weirdo. but its ok, i get full scholarship to be rooming with her, so i have to room w/her. *this is a joke*

alex not joining us for the conference cuz of some personal reason... but i'll get to see him and tickle him again this weekend, hehehe...

for non-believers, it's always good to pick up the message from the qualities discussed in this despite all the religious talks

God's grocery store
As I was walking down life's highway many years ago
I came upon a sign that read
Heavens Grocery Store.
When I got a little closer
the doors swung open wide
And when I came to myself
I was standing inside
I saw a host of angels.
They were standing everywhere

One handed me a basket
and said "My child shop with care."
Everything a human needed
was in that grocery store
And what you could not carry
you could come back for more

First I got some Patience.
Love was in that same row.
Further down was Understanding,
you need that everywhere you go.

I got a box or two of Wisdom
and Faith a bag or two.
And Charity of course
I would need some of that too.

I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost
It was all over the place.
And then some Strength
and Courage to help me run this race.

My basket was getting full
but I remembered I needed Grace.
And then I chose Salvation for
Salvation was for free
I tried to get enough of that to do
for you and me. Then I started to the counter
to pay my grocery bill,

For I thought I had everything
to do the Masters will.
As I went up the aisle
I saw Prayer and put that in,
For I knew when I stepped outside
I would run into sin.

Peace and Joy were plentiful,
the last things on the shelf.
Song and Praise were hanging near
so I just helped myself.

Then I said to the angel
"Now how much do I owe?"
He smiled and said
"Just take them everywhere you go."

Again I asked "Really now,
How much do I owe?"
"My child" he said, "God paid your bill
a long long time ago."

This poem has been sent to you
with love and for good luck.
It originated in the Netherlands and has been
around the world 9 times.

Do not keep this letter but send it on to someone
who needs good luck.
Of course, good luck is
just another way of saying blessings.

Dear friends:

Joy is one of the emotions that God uses to empower His children for their
daily walk with Him. It resides within our hearts no matter what we face
in our circumstances.

It is God's design that true joy begins with Christ within us. His
presence is the only source that fuels the light of joy within the life of
each believer. If we allow something to darken this light, we will sense
the pressures of this world closing in on us.

The apostle James begins his letter with words of encouragement to a
church who was forced to live with daily abuse, rejection, and harassment:
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance" (James 1:2-3).

Friends, Whatever you face today, God faces it with you. He has promised
never to abandon you, and He has never failed to keep His promises. He
loves you with an unconditional love. Once you accept Christ as your
Savior, He will fill your heart to overflowing with an eternal sense of
true joy.

May God bless you and have a wonderful day!(GH)

walking sucks. i hate walking. esp when i know how to bike and have a bike.

i dont know why do i write like at least five times a day in my journal, i guess, i'm bored, yes, i'm bored. well, i can't help it if i dont have a best friend. i gave up on hunting for a possible candidate to be my best friend. a few people "broke my heart" and killed my hope a long time ago. hehe, but i'm fine. (am i? =p ) anyways, still working on my paper, hahah, yes, how long can i possibly take?? i dont know! ^_^ got a C on math midterm again, but it's cool, it's a passing grade! okie, me go.

the most hilarious aim away msg: "you talk you die!"

yes, i'm up, good morning.

so sleepy...i should stop...prolly will dream of skeletons chasing after me, or i'll be in africa. sigh.

weird how i haven't gone to dining commons for like, 4days, already. wow! ^^|| so weird, i'm hungry, i want to go there now...but but but...sigh. *munches on my honeycomb* yes, honeycomb is like.. okay, not too sweet yet sweetened (hehe). actually i like post shredded wheat baked w/honey and almonds! ^_____^ it's good! i had it once and loved it. however, it's a rip-off to purchase it out there cuz it's always at its original price while others are having low prices. yeah, but i think my bro finally got me a box of it *chuckles* see, i'm so glad i'm the youngest kid in the family. the first time feeling being LOVED and spoiled. i mean, the feeling of being loved and spoiled grew stronger in these recent years. esp when my bro started working *chuckles* and for the girls out there, leave my bro alone!!!

okay okay, back to my paper. roomie STILL on the fone...

wenta my ex's current partner's website to check them out, just wanna see how they are now and stuff. and...read about things happened between them, sigh, it's just... feel bad for them and how it sorta recalled my memories. sigh, it's kinda sad... how things turned out in an unexpected way. anyway! i just felt a little sad this afternoon while i slowly worked on my essay. yeah, it was such a bad timing to check out their website, hehee, esp when i finally had the feeling (actually, i better get started) to work on my essay. sigh, yes yes, me bad bad. kill me if u could, please! if u wanna come back on thurs, TOO LATE! dont come with ur weapons or knives! i'd be done (i should be done) with my essay by then! hah! u evo murderers out there, u guys have like 36hrs left to accomplish this mission (impossible?)..hehehe. ok ok, leave me alone!! ahhhhh!!! i must finish my essay first!!! ahhhhhhh

yes, try to finish a 6-page essay in 2days. lol! yes, i'm sorry, i love to procrastinate. =p so do u! (rite? see, i'm always rite) anyways, friends in the same class are all working on their papers and here i am, eating tom yum shrimp bowl noodle and type up my essay. *chuckles* yes, i love hot noodles, they actually taste better and are more spicy than mama's noodles(another brand of tom yum flavored noodle, not noodles cooked by my mom! =p ) tsk tsk. yeah, after a cute guy explaining what we need on our essay, i feel more confident about my own. yes, i know, he's pretty hot, honestly. i wish i can be like him.. haha, anyways, must keep my personal identity to myself, u guys can have my social identity. (sorry, this is what i learn fr sociology, this is scary. personal identity is what ur family/frineds/close relatives know u by; social identity is what others in the society(coworkers,etc) view u as.) sigh, yes, i'm learning, and it's not scary. *blah!* okie okie, i shall go back to my essay, g'bye peeps.

got ben&jerry's cherry garcia from trudys. my first ben&jerry's experience was in boston, with my ex-ex. we had cherry garcia. i dont know, just like, i dont wanna try something new so therefore i would get cherry garcia if they have it. i had NY one...pretty good,i like the NY one better, love nutz in ice cream. but xtina complained that it's too sweet... but the cherry flavored ice cream is good! ^^ yes, now i shall return to my paper after having a pint of ice cream, hehe, yes, a pint. btw, i'm not a pig.

future roomies aren't willing to sacrifice a bit of time to go make deposite with me at a better and cheaper place.... sigh... they said they have papers or midterms this week. HELLO? I DO, TOO!!! what is up with people??????????? *rawrrr* gosh!!! they are so fucking stupid, inconsiderate, sorta immature and dont know what their priority is!!! and they are college students.........................................see what happened when u overly protect ur children??!! they turn out to be the burdens of other children's later in their lives!!!! SIGH. u know what, i realize that it's not my problem for being so upset and butt-hurt at them and their attitude; i'm a sorta tolerant person, if it keeps repeating, it'll become irritation to me. why are there so many people out there who need babysitting? sigh... living in this world for 18years seems helpless in shaping and preparing themselves b4 facing the society, huh? tsk tsk tsk. being myself for 18years lets me know at least how to pretend to know what's going on around me and therefore act as if i'm calm and ready for any obstacles. peoples! u can do it! if not, pretend as if u can! sigh....... (depressed, will not talk to the girls across fr me for tonite, screw them!!!)

What Ayumi Hamasaki song are you?
Quiz by Mika Tsukino

took like an 2hr nap, woke up at 7 and was so hungry, so made noodle for dinner. anyways, feel so much better after napping.... got to update 3 of my close fds about how my life is here,etc.

just read through the mails i sent and received fr my ex.... sigh, sorta.. surprised that i was so good at writing sweet things. =p i think, throughout the whole thing w/my ex, it was a sweet experience. things in our few emails were really sweet and shit.. though it turned out to be another drama. it turned out to be ugly at the end, which was very expected and sad. anyways, it's just part of my past. it's just silly of me to think that she was the one after years of being single. ofcourse i dont like her now.. but i treasure and remember those past memories.

went to church this morning and had a nice lunch there. the message is about how we all should listen to one another cuz by spending a bit time w/each other to listen to his/her stories, the individual may feel loved or warmth. it's easy to say things that hurt one another, but who bothers to spend a bit time to really care for everyone around u? she mite be in need for a listener.

i'm done w/one hw... whew~ now, still have the outlines of 2papers and studying for chem. yikes. *yawns* should i take a nap? hmm, very tempting.

as a big fan of instant ramen, i suppose there are tons of hungry kids who are experts in cooking ramen, i would like to share some "experiement" done by one of those.
http://www.iistix.com/_stixandstones/oodlesofnoodles.html
anyhoo, got an email from someone i look forward to for months!! ^______^ yay! yes, a "yay" doesnt express that awesome feeling i had receiving the email, sigh of joy. yes, sighing of joy will do.

actually, i'm not sure if i'm really this type of lover. but speaking in my current situation, i keep distance with almost everyone around me. therefore, i'm kinda in a-not-willing-to-be-in-love situation. hehee, maybe i'm more like "the queen of a distant galaxy" than xavier.



Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?

just got a chinese fwd mail fr my bro..it talks about forgiving and what it really means to be mad. being upset w/someone is silly. what's the point of making urself feel so bad becuz of someone else's stupid mistake??!!! i totally agree! maybe thats y i'm giving up on caring for others. well, kinda. but.. being upset at someone's mistake doesnt change the situation, but my mood, death of my brain cells and probably my productivity. so, peeps, dont get mad, just forgive em. be selfish! therefore u must forgive in order to save the lives of ur brain cells! hehee...

went to fellowship in davis fr 7:30-11pm tonite. it was actually quite meaningful. i learned a lot fr it..^^ and got to talk to lots of people who care about me. despite mommy's fone call during bible study and her comment about me going to church. sigh. anyways, she doesnt hate me for going to church, just a bit disliking, just that, i think i'm too stressed out. therefore, i'm paranoid. >_< sigh, readings n papers. SHIVERS (((argh))) i need my lab partner and her friend to cheer me up and to talk to me, too bad, they went home. darn.

i feel like crying again, sigh, i'm such a baby. college sux. too much works to do in too little time. fuck.

aww, man, me no bunny.

Say it loud: "I'm a pork-infesting parasite and I'm proud!"

Find out what YOUR inner non-sequitur is!

quiz by A.V. Phibes

yay, found the lyrics to the songs i've been listening to lately by S.H.E.

S.H.E - ¼ö±a«BªL

§N­·¹L¹Ò ¦^¾Ð­áµ²¦¨¦B §Úªº¥I¥X¥þ³£­n¤£¨ì¦^­µ
®¬«ë´N¹³¬Oºø©µ¤£Â_ªº¥C³® µh­W¥þ¤è¦ìªº­°Á{
´d¶Ë¤J«I »}¨¥¤U¸¨¤£©ú §Ú§ä¤£¨ì¨º¨Ç·R¹Lªº´¿¸g
§A¹³¦b±I¹æ¤WªÅ½L±Ûªº¨rÆN ±N§Ú·Q§A °Ù­¹¤z²b
¤ë¦â·n®Ì¾ð¼v ¬ï±ô¦b¼ö±a«BªL §AÂ÷¥hªº­ì¦] ±q¨Ó¤£»¡©ú
¬ï±ô¦b¼ö±a«BªL ´d¶Ëªº«B¤£°± ¥þ¨­¦å²O²O
¨º²`³´¦bªh¿A§Ú¤£³ôªº·R±¡ ¬O§ÚµL¯à¬°¤O ¶Ë¤ß

S.H.E - °O±o­n§Ñ°O

¦b´N­nÂਭ«e¬ðµM¤S·Q°_§A ¬Û¹Jªº¨º¤ÑºyµÛ·L¯ºªº§A
¨º­Ó·L¯º ÁÙ¬O«Ü¬üÄR ¥i±¤¨º­Ó¤H±`±`­nÅý¤H­úª_
¤ÓÄ£²´ªº«°¥«¤£¾A¦X¬Ý¬P¬P
´N¦p¦P§Aªº¤ß¤£¾A¦X½Í¦w©w ÁÂÁ§AÅý§Ú¶Ë¹L¤ß ¾Ç·|·R±¡¦}«D°õ°g
¤H§ïÅܤ£¤F§ïÅܤ£¤Fªº¨Æ±¡ °O±o­n§Ñ°O§Ñ°O
§Ú´£¿ô¦Û¤v §A¤w¸g¬O ¤H®ü¤¤ªº¤@­Ó­I¼v ªøªø®É¥ú
§ÚÀ³¸Ó­n¦³·sªº¦^¾Ð ¤HµLªk¨M©w·|¬°½Ö°Ê¤ß ¦ý¦Ü¤Ö¥i¥H¨M©w©ñ¤£©ñ±ó
§Ú©Ó»{§Ú ÁÙ¬O·|·RµÛ§A ¦ý§Ú±N¥Ã¤£¦AIJ¸I³o°O¾Ð °O±o­n§Ñ°O §Ñ°O
¸g¹L§Úªº§A ²¦³º¥u¬O«Ü°¸¹³ªº¨ººØ¬Û¹J ¤£·|¤£®e©ö §Ú¦³¤@½ú¤l
¨¬°÷¥Î¨Ó§Ñ°O §ÚÁÙ¦³¤@½ú¤l ¥i¥H¥Î¨Ó§V¤O §Ú¤@©w·|§Ñ°O§A


translation: sorry about the bad translation, just dont hurt me~ =p

1st song: SHE- tropical rainforest

all of my memories froze, all of my sacrifices are meaningless
regret is like an endless group of mountains, pain/sadness comes fr everywhere
promises are lost (as in they r all gone), i can't even find an evidence that says that i was in love
you are like a desperate connor looking for target
moonlight passes through the trees in the tropical rainforest, the reason for ur departure remained unknown
i wander in the tropical rainforest, it always rains, and my body is soaked wet and bleeding (as in the wounds fr breaking up)
my love is stuck in the mud, i can't do anything about it

2nd song: remember to forget

i think of u rite before i'm gonna turn around, the way u smiled on the day we met
that beautiful smile, but it belongs to someone who makes me cry
the well-lit city is not a good place for stargazing
just like ur heart which can't be stable
thx for breaking my heart and letting me know that love is not about being stubborn about it
people can't change things that can't be changed,therefore, they must forget about them
i remind myself that u're gone like one of the pedestrians in the crowd
after all this time, i should already have made new memories, however, i have no choice on whom i should fall for
but at least i can choose whether to give up or not
i admit that i'll still love you, but i'll never think of our past/memory again.
i'll remember to forget the one who passed me by, although it's an accident that we met.
it's not gonna be hard to forget cuz i have enough time in my life to forget u
i still have my lifetime, i'll try hard, and i'll forget you someday.

just talked to mommy about how my future roomies pissed me off lately. yeah, i got really upset during our conversation. i was basically sorta yelling out things i've been keeping to myself to my mom, and she was kinda afraid cuz of my attitude or the anger in my tone. well, i was gonna tell her, "no matter what i say now, just agree." but.. yea, she basically just asked silly questions about my situation and housing arrangement for next yr which upset me even more. but i'm cool now, i went to wash dishes after the fone call, couldnt concentrate studying anymore, so what's the point? yeah, while washing dishes, i thought a lot about things happened lately. like, i got to know myself better thru difficult situations. cat admitted that she's selfish, so am i. everyone is selfish. we must care for ourselves first before taking care of others. would u let someone else who is worse off to help u? so, let's just say that we love ourselves more than others. there's no unconditional love in humans. i'm too tired to type out my reasonings now, so.. yea, remind me some other time. hmmm, actually, i have never be so mean to a person in this hanging-in-the-mid-air relationship. i'm serious. a sign of my selfishness. sorry! i'm bad. yes, i feel guilty for being so mean, insensitive and unfeeling. haha, actually, i notice and remember things/sacrifices people do for me, but.. i just have to act ungrateful to make me ignore my guilt n stuff. anyways, actually, i'm not in the mood to fall in love now (y do i sound so much like a playa now? hehe). hardships are like disease, they keep coming back in diff forms!! argh!! >_< ~SIGH~ so sick of life and college and stupid people fr ur college. i think one of the reasons why i was SO upset about my fd talking on the fone w/another guy: i take up too many responsibilities such as taking care of them n stuff; the more responsibilities i have, the more authoritative i feel about myself. but it means that i'll end up having many duties, if things dont go in my way, i feel SO bad. sigh, fuck my stupid ego and those who make my life miserable. yes, fuck u, ngan's lack of control over herself and ngan's man! (i'm sorry, those who have to read this but have nothing to do with this. pls lemme express my rage (sorta) knowing that ngan will never get to see this. hah!

i miss my bunnie. suddenly thought of him, especially the sensation of patting him as a little puppy...>_< sigh~ bunny. its funny how my bunnie had an attitude too..hehe ^^ just like a kid. u'd get to know him better as u spend more time w/him. he was a weirdo. he didnt care about people around him, he usually ignored me. (actually all the time). yeah, unless he became thirsty, then he'd go near the edge of the cage b4 u even appeared. ^^ hehe, awww, BB (his name)... sigh~ .......and... i had forgotten about him for quite a long time during my senior year... i was occupied by many other things. he was like a burden to me. he lived in the yard, therefore i had to go outside and feed him and stuff. so, it was kinda annoying(considering how lazy i could be). anyways, so my dad had to take care of him when i wasn't. i'm sorry, bunnie.... sigh. he was like my significant other, my child, my furry toy (hehe), and like part of my family. i loved him...*feels like crying now, great*... sigh, i miss the way i used to bury my head in his fur. he usually stood there for me. (actually i think he was just TOO LAZY to move) oh yeah, he was warm at nite..hehee, i love putting my hands on his warm body in cold nites. *chuckles* hehe, i think he'd be thinking to himself "ehh, what the hell?!" ^___^ sigh~ well, i miss him... end of story. all in the memory of my bunnie.

have a math midterm tmr at 2pm... will i survive or pull a C out of it? hmmm, to be continued =p

God is a little like . . .

God is a little like General Electric.
He brings good things to life.

God is a little like Hallmark cards.
He cared enough to send the very best.

God is a little like Coca-Cola.
He is the real thing.

God is a little like Tide.
He gets out the stains that others leave behind.

God is a little like VO-5 Hair Spray.
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is a little like Allstate Insurance.
You're in good hands with Him.

God is a little like Sears.
He has everything.

God is a little like Hellmann's Mayonnaise.
He brings out the best.

God is a little like a Visa card.
He's everywhere you want to be.

God is a little like Ford.
He has a better idea.

God is a little like Alka Seltzer.
Oh, what a relief He is.

God is a little like Scotch Tape.
You can't see Him but you know He's there.

God is a little like Folger's Coffee.
He's the best part of waking up.

God is a little like the Energizer Bunny.
He keeps going, and going, and going....

God is a little like American Express.
Don't leave home without Him.

God is a little like Dial Soap.
Aren't you glad you know Him? Don't you wish everyone did?

slept thru 2of my classes today, OPPS! yeah,i bet u roomie is not any better..*chuckles* we talked last nite. shared ghost stories,etc. didnt sleep till 3i believe, AWw~ >_< so tired today. haven't slept thru my classes. hehehe, it's funny how i didnt care about people watching me sleep in class(i slept for like more than an hour out of my an hr and 30min lecture), actually, i couldn't help it, couldn't keep my eyes opened. they closed ontheir own within a min after waking up. opps.hehehe. anyways, anthro lecture is boring today, i already knew well about mitosis and meiosis stuff. *shrugs* oh yeah, got my anthro midterm back, did pretty well (compared w/my expectation). got like a very high C+ or a very low B- , either one is good, i'm happy. i deserve it. well, what else can i say? hehee, i got a C!!! for just cramming the 2nites b4 exam! *chuckles* muahahahaha~

and, i'm becoming very attached to my chem lab partner and her other friend, it's pretty cool. they are fun people to hang out with. maybe approaching to her during chem discussion and lab was a wise decision. *chuckles*

hehee, sometime i'd talk to myself... and it's like becoming part of my habit to sorta talk to myself. (OMG) hehe, yes, omg.well, it all started when i was in the third grade or something. some people mentioned how a guy from our class talked to himself all the time and therefore he was considered to be weird and mentally messed up. yea, and then i started to wonder whether how people set the definition of "talking to urself is weird". yeah, so i sorta practiced talking to myself and see how it feels. and somehow, it became my habit that will come up once in a while... hehehe. and i just realize how the voice in my head that talks to me or tells me what to do uses english to communicate with me!!!??? omg, i'm turning white now. bad sign. i need to maintain my "fob-ness" so i can be proud of it. anyways, me no white, not yet. altho i know that i already am, i can act fob or white at diff times. *chuckles* convenient, aint it? *chuckles*

entry deleted

just wanna share something i got today.

We discover in life that things don't always turn out the way we planned.
We also discover that storms of life often turn up what is lying at the
bottom of our heart.

It is easy to sing when your life is smooth. It is easy to have joy on the
mountain top when the doctor's report is good, when your marriage is
solid, when you get a raise at work, when your children are behaving, and
when everything is going your way.

But what happens when the doctor says, "We found a spot that we are
concerned about"? What happens when you come home and your spouse has left
you? What happens when your kids have gone half nuts or all nuts? What
happens when everything in life that brought you joy is removed?

Aren't you glad that we can know God through Jesus Christ? When we know
God, we realize that our hopes and our dreams do not die just because we
have storms and reversals in our lives. God is bigger than those shattered
dreams.

Friends, I pray that you will trust God in all circumstances. Remember,
Jesus Christ is a friend who walks in when the world walks out. (Hebrews
13:5b).

i'm tired of my life...i'm tired of things happening...i want to be alone. watching pets running around. watering yard and being grateful for every creation. no family, no friends, no roommate, no school, no relationship, no day, no night, no bunnies, no simpsons, no expectation, no disappointment, no tears, no colors. just want to huddle up in a warm white room with 4 walls all by myself and cry my eyes out for no reason. i need to cry in order to release my stress..hehe, yes, i'm weird. i'm a crybaby? hah! what's a crybaby? me is fob. the only way i can find such a white room is in my dream. totally forget about everything, every important person and thing in my life. and to forget myself. i feel better now after imagining my ideal crying place..hehe..neways, i'm back to my optimistic mode now. good, let's read.

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sometimes i believe that it'd be so much better if i have enuf budget to live by myself for next year. but!!! ^^||| yeah, too poor, therefore i'm STUCK w/dealing with planning out OUR living accommodation. SIGH. i'm so sick and tired of babysitting. i really hate to be conscious and aware of important things among us 3 who will be roommates next yr. sometimes, i would act stupid and stay silent when there are smart people in present and LET THEM DO ALL THE WORK. *chuckles* yeah...but (BUT) when situation doesnt occur, i have to try hard to get things done. yes, i'm whinny,so what? hehehe, u should get a life too then. =p jk, ok, fine, keep reading. well, i guess, enough of this racket, i have been complaining this to almost everyone whom i believe will be on my side after listening...*chuckes* yes, looking for some approval and agreement here to calm my poor mind down. so i can continue this without feeling very bad inside. people change after they go to college. hong finally found out that "she has to pay if she makes long distance calls thru the dorm fone"...............................*silence*...................................... yes, ahem, u should've seem her shocking and worrying expression, i pity her yet laugh at her idiocy and her simple-yet-unrealistic idea. i dont know, i'm sick of some of her habits and her lack of self-control over priorities which she used to be managing them very well b4. that's why i want to laugh at her misery. i guess, i love her cuz she's such a truthful and unselfish person. (not love-love) and finding disappointment in seeking for her change/improvement really sorta converted my love and caring into "who-cares-about-her?-I'm-just-a-bystander-fr-now-on". yes, and i hope this growing dislike toward them won't cause too much troubles and unpleasantness next year. sigh, (telling myself) must forgive and forget!! must.... ok, think of happy thoughts, got a C on soc paper!! ^o^ yay! *giggles* B- on chem midterm!! *smiles* hopefully a C or above on soc midterm! *chuckles* awww, math midterm next fri and 2papers due in 2weeks. "crap!" *breathes in* okay. goodnite. i rant enuf tonite, hehee, well, i dont know, it's like i can cry at any moment now when i think of unpleasant things that happened lately. i was sorta crying when talking to mommy about my stupid bro's gf and how i hate them cuz of the way he presents them as. okay, i guess, i should start reading for soc and anthro now. grrr...

wenta see a townhouse, i really like it and the arrangement of the rooms.

many thoughts pop into my head lately... thoughts on life. hehe, again, i can't recall em now...opps. anyways, the gay way my roomie's been acting lately really annoys me.
saw this chinese love story clip online, nice graphics, but meaningless storyline. not meaningless, but its point has been overly emphasized or used. it's about a guy who loves this girl truly for years and has been waiting for her even she goes to australia for college. she finally finds that this guy cares for her dearly so they got together and kept this long-D(distance) relationship. and later on, the girl cheated on the guy and went out w/some other guy. so the guy was hrt-broken and he didnt make any comment and respected the girl's decision. later on, the girl was dumped and she went back to this guy. her returning gave him hope. so they were sorta together again and then the girl was seeing another guy and dumped the first one again cuz she thought that the guy didnt care for her anymore. but indeed, the guy couldn't spend summer with her cuz he spent all of his money on buying a small meteor for her. yeah, she dindt find out until a year later. so, in conclusion, 1) being deeply n truly loved by someone is the the hardest thing to get in the world. if u ever get the chance of meeting such a person, it's ur honor. 2) not treasuring the type of love and caring fr the person fr 1) is the greatest loss in ur life. yeah, so me and roomie had a little discussion on this story. she said that the guy loves her so unconditionally..and that he's so hard to find nowadays. in my point of view is that: he wouldn't continue loving her if she hasn't given him sign of possibility or hope. therefore, his love is no longer unconditional. anyways!!! pls do not argue with me. i agree to yours and mine, but i'm not into debating lately. i have enuf things for me to procrastinate on, so yeah. =p and dont u think that having a discussion over this kinda story is boring???!!! the story is soooo boring and it keeps repeating the same piano version of some melody, gosh, even my roomie got annoyed fr that song..hehehe... so i played it again for her..

hmmm, what to study for sociology? hmmmmm, besides going over some readings, memorizing authors' names, and the main ideas in their findings. sociology is less interesting than what i expected, tsk tsk tsk, *waves finger at sociology* soc2 is mainly about the structure of the society as a whole and where it comes from. blah blah blah. boring~

oh yeah, checked out another apartment place today w/my lab partner today (and my future roommates DIDNT EVEN WANT TO GO WITH ME! FUCK EM!) excuse me. yeah.. i was thinking of living on my own or with some other people after how one of my future roommates who i thought she was the good one w/common sense (BUT I WAS WRONG, I WAS SHAKING A BIT AFTER TALKING TO HER, AND I STILL DO WHEN I THINK OF WHAT SHE SAID) responsed to my mentioning of another nicer apartment. i dont know what the fuck was wrong with her at the time. i seriously was disappointed in her. maybe i care too much. maybe i should just treat her as a distant friend like what i did with everyone fr HS. in conclusion, she sux. well, the apartment was bigger and cheapter, yet further. its kitchen and living room are bigger. the 2rooms are in equal size. one bath. anyways, roomie in bad mood now, best time to study. ta.

roomie said that i look like him, i mean, he looks like me..=p especially da haircut. hmmmmm, naw, i'm betta than that.

*stretch my arms* yes! i'm done with the toughest midterm of this quarter-anthro. i dont know, the practice midterm the prof gave us just freaks me out, it's like, "omg?! we learn that in class????" yeah, stupid practice midterm, scared the SHIT OUT OF ME. *breathing fire* yeah, the real one wasn't so bad. i got stuck on a few and was able to BS the rest..hehehe, well, sorta. BS in a beautiful way. i'm just hoping to get partial credits.




Which Gackt are you most like?

quiz by mcvarmazi

again,wish me luck! yea, just came back fr studying..>_< aiya, hafta skip 2classes tmr so i can get enuf of sleep n more time to study tmr. sigh. this is fun.

yay~ mommy is home ^^ and she got me 2 of nic's CDs...*chuckles* didnt bring em over to my dorm cuz they are too good to be here. it's safer if they stay home. have 2midterms await me this week. i'm studying for anthro now. dont know what else to say here... let's see, i'm home alone now as roomie is not here. i think i study better when alone and without music. i only need music to study with when other racket is present (noises of peeps or loud music of the room next door).oh yeah, had a haircut over the weekend. my ears and neck are cold now...great...^^|| anyways, mom kept complaining about my short hair and my unwillingness to leave it long. anyways, i already thought of excuses to tell my mom so i dont have to go home on the weekend of feb22-24. i'm going to UCLGBTIA's 13th Annual Conference at berkeley with cathy this year. just to check out more interesting people and perhaps learn more about myself. ah! that's the week of midterms! argh! i can use studying as an excuse then. cool.

oh, cat, go check out the topics for the workshops, i found some very interesting..*chuckles*

there're so many things that u want to tell people but you never find the courage or the heart to express them becuz you understand how much they would hurt. i hate to be stepping in someone else's shoe, but i'm humane. *unlike xtina..hehe, jk* yea, i have feelings, i'm evo to some degree but not all the way. there's still hope in me, folks. =p anyways, i'm sinning which i'm in denial of. sigh. stop sinning or continue sinning? "Delight in the fear of the LORD." Asaiah 9:12. where's my fear of the Lord? where? sigh. i'm sorry, god. please give me strength.

got a Rio600, 32MB.not sure if i should use it here or wait till i go back to davis where my 1000mp3s are at?! hehe, yeah, i'm esitmating 1000mp3s. last time i had around 450mp3s on winampl. they were just the ones i have in E drive. i have another mp3 folder in D drive...*chuckles* well, this is why you need a 30GB harddrive for. thank you~ *points at cathy and laughs*

went to make deposits at 2 possible housing arrangements for next academic year. well, the two places aren't good deals, but since we all can afford the average cost, we didnt bother to search for more. and i dont like that. especially how i have to remind my future roommates about looking for housing, then they'd do some research. goshes. and two other hkese girls and they found many places to compare. sigh, they asked me if i want to room w/them next year. but that's when my other fds started researching (they only found 2places tho). so i felt bad if i say that i wont live w/them next year. so yeah, i refused the offer fr the 2hkese. now i regret it. well, yeah, i'm mean. but it's annoying when u have to remind them of what's more important to do. sometime i'd rather go with the 2hkese girls and let them remind me of what to do. i want to be the stupid and slow one. let others take care of me. so i can just focus on my school works. life sux again. altho mommy is coming back tmr, i still feel stressful cuz of my poor preparation for my next 2midterms *cries* i haven't prayed for a loong time. sigh. and i even forgot to pray before meals. OPPS! >_< i finally prayed tonite at dinner. sigh. and got an email fr K in which she reminded me a lot of things that i'm in denial of. sigh. la vida es muy complicatedo (hehe). life is so freakin' complicated. why? why?