It is well with my soul

I had a dream where I poured my heart out with k. I told her every big event that happened in my life since our split and every big plan I have in 2014. It was very pleasant and like old friends catching up. I woke up and I'm very happy, I've finally fulfilled my final desires--that is to share ups and downs with you like family again.
Today I feel very happy, pleasant, and loved. Not by the virtual scenario in my dream, but by the healing power of my Creator. I had no idea why it took so long to move on from this relationship?! He knows me so well, He reveals my deepest desires and fills my emotional needs. My desire to stalk her and to involve in her life finally diminished!!! This is the first time I feel that I'm at peace with my God. He knows I'm struggling, I'm weak, I'm creepy, I'm selfish, yet there's nothing to hide other than being weak, being unreasonable with Him. He doesn't mind me taking way too much time on this relationship, He doesn't punish me as I progress so little, He doesn't get upset when I drown myself in love songs and self-pitiness. Who can love me more than that?
I'm so spoiled yet so blessed for Your love, Jesus.

It's been so hard to move on. I wish I could do this with you around, maybe it'd be easier.

兩星期和媽媽單獨相對是非常有趣的經歷﹕每天分工合作，互相報告行蹤確保大家都
安全，晚上一起度過沒有電視噪音的日子，一邊說完我今天的見聞，再輪到媽媽說
說她的故事，比往時早了休息。讓我們更了解彼此生活的需要，生活的喜好。我很
感恩有這樣的機會與媽媽沒有吵架的共處了十多天，破了記錄!




新的體驗
我竟然因為一些事而慌張到哭了出來，自己也嚇一跳，這才知道這事情在我裡面翻
起了多大的巨浪。
有朋友花時間聆聽和我一起祈禱，這才安靜下來。我意識到神正在工作，可是我真
的不想再面對這一個傷口。
隔天我又惶恐起來，非常不安，好心的朋友找機會與我再祈禱，她鼓勵我要安靜下
來，聽聽神的聲音，究竟祂要對我說甚麼。我等了一個晚上，在快要睡覺前，我俯
伏在床上求神救救我慌張的心靈。我終於聽見﹕God is in control.
我回答祂﹕既然主您在掌管一切，您必然也在掌管我現在的難關! 主啊，我不要再
費勁猜測要如何面對，因為我要相信您已經在掌管這個難題，您已經有最好的安排，
到我面對這難關時，那必然是您最好的安排。那天晚上我終於睡了一覺。




考驗的日子到了!
我告訴神，請主您來帶領敬拜，我今天並不穩定，但是我會盡力，我知道您一定會
支持我。
完成了我的責任後，我的恐懼又回來了，我該怎麼辦﹖我要如何面對，真正的我會
如何面對﹖神希望我如何面對﹖
我意識到自己越來越慌張混亂，叫自己要專心想著神，He is in control! Even when
I'm not!
不要單單看自己，一看著自己就失掉方向!
我祈禱對神呼求，主啊，您是掌權的! 您在掌權中!

Xanga is gone. I'm back to blogger! Welcome back since 2003! Whoohoo