這星期學習到一個很震撼我的概念﹕
我先有了表面知識，加上親身經歷，演變成非一般的生活意義，生命真實的流露。
Knowledge + Experience = deeper meaning of life
Monday, January 06, 2014
I wish I could write such a loving letter to my beloved friends...
Dear ______,
I just want you to know that I understand.
I understand how it feels to be in love with a woman. To want nothing more than to be with her forever. Feeling as if the universe has played a cruel joke on your heart by allowing it to fall into the hands of a creature that looks just like you.
I too was a lesbian. I had same-sex attractions as early as five-years old. As I grew up, those feelings never subsided. They only grew. I would find myself having crushes on my female best friends, but I was far too ashamed to admit it to them — let alone to myself.
At the age of 17, I finally made the decision to pursue these desires. I entered into a relationship with a young lady who became my “first.” The first time we kissed, it felt extremely natural, as if this feeling is what I had been missing all along. After her came another woman and then another woman. Both relationships were very serious, each lasting over a year. I enjoyed these relationships and loved these women a lot. And it came to the point that I was willing to forsake all, including my soul, to enjoy their love on earth.
In October 2008, at the age of 19, my superficial reality was shaken up by a deeper love — one from the outside, one that I’d heard of before but never experienced. For the first time, I was convicted of my sin in a way that made me consider everything I loved (idolized), and its consequences. I looked at my life, and saw that I had been in love with everything except God, and these decisions would ultimately be the death of me, eternally. My eyes were opened, and I began to believe everything God says in his word. I began to believe that what he says about sin, death, and hell were completely true.
And amazingly, at the same time that the penalty of my sin became true to me, so did the preciousness of the cross. A vision of God’s Son crucified, bearing the wrath I deserved, and an empty tomb displaying his power over death — all things I had heard before without any interest had become the most glorious revelation of love imaginable.
After realizing all of what I would have to give up, I said to God, “I cannot let these things or people go on my own. I love them too much. But I know you are good and strong enough to help me.”
Now, at the age of 23, I can say with all honesty that God has done just that. He has helped me love him more than anything.
Now why did I just tell you about this? I gave you a glimpse of my story because I want you to understand that I understand. But I also want you to know that I also understand how it feels to be in love with the Creator of the universe. To want nothing more than to be with him forever. To feel his grace, the best news ever announced to mankind. To see his forgiveness, that he would take such a wicked heart into his hands of mercy.
But with that in mind, we’re in a culture where stories like mine either seem impossible or hilarious, depending on the audience. Homosexuality is everywhere — from music, to TV, even sports. If you’d believe all that society had to say about homosexuality, you’d come to the conclusion that it is completely normal, even somewhat admirable. But that is far from the truth. God tells us that homosexuality is sinful, abominable, and unnatural (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:18–32; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11; 1 Timothy 1:8–10). But if I were to be honest, sometimes homosexual attractions can seem natural to me.
I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that this may be your dilemma as well. You see what God has to say about homosexuality, but your heart doesn’t utter the same sentiments. God’s word says it’s sinful; your heart says it feels right. God’s word says it’s abominable; your heart says it’s delightful. God’s word says it’s unnatural; your heart says it’s totally normal. Do you see that there is a clear divide between what God’s word says and how your heart feels?
So which voice should you believe?
There was a time in my walk with Christ where I experienced a lot of temptation about falling back into lesbianism. These temptations caused me to doubt God’s word. My temptations and desires began to become more real to me than the truth of the Bible. As I was praying and meditating on these things, God put this impression on my heart: “Jackie, you have to believe that my word is true even if it contradicts how you feel.” Wow! This is right. Either I trust in his word or I trust my own feelings. Either I look to him for the pleasure my soul craves or I search for it in lesser things. Either I walk in obedience to what he says or I reject his truth as if it were a lie.
The struggle with homosexuality is a battle of faith. Is God my joy? Is he good enough? Or am I still looking to broken cisterns to quench a thirst only he can satisfy? That is the battle. It is for me, and it is for you.
The choice is yours, my friend. I pray you put your faith in Christ and flee from the lies of our society that coincide with the voices of your heart — a heart that Scripture says is wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Run to Jesus instead.
You were made for him (Romans 11:36). He is ultimately all that you need! He is good and wise (Psalm 145:9). He is the source of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is kind and patient (2 Peter 3:9). He is righteous and faithful (Psalm 33:4). He is holy and just (1 John 1:9). He is our true King (Psalm 47:7). He is our Savior (Jude 1:25). And he is inviting you to be not just his servant, but also his friend. If lasting love is what you’re looking for anywhere else, you are chasing the wind, seeking what you will never find, slowly being destroyed by your pursuit.
But in Jesus, there is fullness of joy. In Jesus, there is a relationship worth everything, because he is everything. Run to him.
Dear ______,
I just want you to know that I understand.
I understand how it feels to be in love with a woman. To want nothing more than to be with her forever. Feeling as if the universe has played a cruel joke on your heart by allowing it to fall into the hands of a creature that looks just like you.
I too was a lesbian. I had same-sex attractions as early as five-years old. As I grew up, those feelings never subsided. They only grew. I would find myself having crushes on my female best friends, but I was far too ashamed to admit it to them — let alone to myself.
At the age of 17, I finally made the decision to pursue these desires. I entered into a relationship with a young lady who became my “first.” The first time we kissed, it felt extremely natural, as if this feeling is what I had been missing all along. After her came another woman and then another woman. Both relationships were very serious, each lasting over a year. I enjoyed these relationships and loved these women a lot. And it came to the point that I was willing to forsake all, including my soul, to enjoy their love on earth.
In October 2008, at the age of 19, my superficial reality was shaken up by a deeper love — one from the outside, one that I’d heard of before but never experienced. For the first time, I was convicted of my sin in a way that made me consider everything I loved (idolized), and its consequences. I looked at my life, and saw that I had been in love with everything except God, and these decisions would ultimately be the death of me, eternally. My eyes were opened, and I began to believe everything God says in his word. I began to believe that what he says about sin, death, and hell were completely true.
And amazingly, at the same time that the penalty of my sin became true to me, so did the preciousness of the cross. A vision of God’s Son crucified, bearing the wrath I deserved, and an empty tomb displaying his power over death — all things I had heard before without any interest had become the most glorious revelation of love imaginable.
After realizing all of what I would have to give up, I said to God, “I cannot let these things or people go on my own. I love them too much. But I know you are good and strong enough to help me.”
Now, at the age of 23, I can say with all honesty that God has done just that. He has helped me love him more than anything.
Now why did I just tell you about this? I gave you a glimpse of my story because I want you to understand that I understand. But I also want you to know that I also understand how it feels to be in love with the Creator of the universe. To want nothing more than to be with him forever. To feel his grace, the best news ever announced to mankind. To see his forgiveness, that he would take such a wicked heart into his hands of mercy.
But with that in mind, we’re in a culture where stories like mine either seem impossible or hilarious, depending on the audience. Homosexuality is everywhere — from music, to TV, even sports. If you’d believe all that society had to say about homosexuality, you’d come to the conclusion that it is completely normal, even somewhat admirable. But that is far from the truth. God tells us that homosexuality is sinful, abominable, and unnatural (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:18–32; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11; 1 Timothy 1:8–10). But if I were to be honest, sometimes homosexual attractions can seem natural to me.
I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that this may be your dilemma as well. You see what God has to say about homosexuality, but your heart doesn’t utter the same sentiments. God’s word says it’s sinful; your heart says it feels right. God’s word says it’s abominable; your heart says it’s delightful. God’s word says it’s unnatural; your heart says it’s totally normal. Do you see that there is a clear divide between what God’s word says and how your heart feels?
So which voice should you believe?
There was a time in my walk with Christ where I experienced a lot of temptation about falling back into lesbianism. These temptations caused me to doubt God’s word. My temptations and desires began to become more real to me than the truth of the Bible. As I was praying and meditating on these things, God put this impression on my heart: “Jackie, you have to believe that my word is true even if it contradicts how you feel.” Wow! This is right. Either I trust in his word or I trust my own feelings. Either I look to him for the pleasure my soul craves or I search for it in lesser things. Either I walk in obedience to what he says or I reject his truth as if it were a lie.
The struggle with homosexuality is a battle of faith. Is God my joy? Is he good enough? Or am I still looking to broken cisterns to quench a thirst only he can satisfy? That is the battle. It is for me, and it is for you.
The choice is yours, my friend. I pray you put your faith in Christ and flee from the lies of our society that coincide with the voices of your heart — a heart that Scripture says is wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Run to Jesus instead.
You were made for him (Romans 11:36). He is ultimately all that you need! He is good and wise (Psalm 145:9). He is the source of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). He is kind and patient (2 Peter 3:9). He is righteous and faithful (Psalm 33:4). He is holy and just (1 John 1:9). He is our true King (Psalm 47:7). He is our Savior (Jude 1:25). And he is inviting you to be not just his servant, but also his friend. If lasting love is what you’re looking for anywhere else, you are chasing the wind, seeking what you will never find, slowly being destroyed by your pursuit.
But in Jesus, there is fullness of joy. In Jesus, there is a relationship worth everything, because he is everything. Run to him.
November 2013
在過去的六個月我的腦海裡一直鑽研著這幾個問題﹕
神想要我在同性戀圈子裡做甚麼或不做甚麼﹖
我可以怎麼樣維護關心感覺受壓迫的同志朋友?
這幾個月在網上找了數個牧師提到同性戀的講道，
聽了2-3遍，好像聽懂了又好像沒聽懂。
如果說要試試一個人是否真的明白一件事，你可以讓他自己解釋整件事，只有內裡
理解後他才能用口告訴你來龍去脈。
我解釋不出來我學到甚麼。
對於為甚麼很多人相信基督徒在欺壓同性戀，我不知道要怎樣回應，我不同意這是
神原本的心意，我承認自己也有份帶給同志朋友壓力。
六個月來徒勞無功的思考帶給我極大的折磨，我很想放棄不理會，它卻常常浮上心
頭。
真是上帝跟我開玩笑麼﹖
我也意識到其實自己從不正視同志朋友的需要，沒有真正的關心過，不相信神也要
贖回同志們。
我的痛苦也來自我的內疚，因為我傷害了一位同志基督徒，我成了她和耶穌中間的
絆腳石。
怎麼我從自己的同性戀情中剛站穩，現在反帶給她混亂和疑惑﹖
怎麼我把自己的經歷告訴朋友想鼓勵她，反讓她加倍遠離我﹖
怎麼同志朋友先利用我的友情求換取愛情，現在怪我欺負她﹖
原來我自己還沒有真正的站穩，她的愛情其實也動搖了我。
混亂中，我只知道。。。。
耶穌，這是你給我的新學習，是你在給我裝備。
在適當的時候，只有你能改變人的心。
在過去的六個月我的腦海裡一直鑽研著這幾個問題﹕
神想要我在同性戀圈子裡做甚麼或不做甚麼﹖
我可以怎麼樣維護關心感覺受壓迫的同志朋友?
這幾個月在網上找了數個牧師提到同性戀的講道，
聽了2-3遍，好像聽懂了又好像沒聽懂。
如果說要試試一個人是否真的明白一件事，你可以讓他自己解釋整件事，只有內裡
理解後他才能用口告訴你來龍去脈。
我解釋不出來我學到甚麼。
對於為甚麼很多人相信基督徒在欺壓同性戀，我不知道要怎樣回應，我不同意這是
神原本的心意，我承認自己也有份帶給同志朋友壓力。
六個月來徒勞無功的思考帶給我極大的折磨，我很想放棄不理會，它卻常常浮上心
頭。
真是上帝跟我開玩笑麼﹖
我也意識到其實自己從不正視同志朋友的需要，沒有真正的關心過，不相信神也要
贖回同志們。
我的痛苦也來自我的內疚，因為我傷害了一位同志基督徒，我成了她和耶穌中間的
絆腳石。
怎麼我從自己的同性戀情中剛站穩，現在反帶給她混亂和疑惑﹖
怎麼我把自己的經歷告訴朋友想鼓勵她，反讓她加倍遠離我﹖
怎麼同志朋友先利用我的友情求換取愛情，現在怪我欺負她﹖
原來我自己還沒有真正的站穩，她的愛情其實也動搖了我。
混亂中，我只知道。。。。
耶穌，這是你給我的新學習，是你在給我裝備。
在適當的時候，只有你能改變人的心。
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