I miss you so much. I may not be able to love someone else.

生日快樂

Reading through our story, I noticed some patterns in you and me.

You run away easily and hold on to love every minute. You accept love easily and could not set a healthy boundaries. You thought you love me but you are just selfish. Your love is limited and brief. You could share your deep love with me but you also shared it with others. You didn't give me exclusive love like the kind I gave you. You did not love my flaws but part of me. You didn't really know who you are, your limits, weaknesses and strengths. You needed love from me to feel valuable and worthy. You are insecure in who you are, in relationships.You are ungrateful for taking advantages of me paying for your phone and meals. You always fall out of love. I hate you for presenting yourself so nicely that I fell for you.

I seek for love and approval from you. Your love increased my worth. I am addicted to your love and physical wants. I fell in love with your choice of words and talents. Your words were important to me. I was deeply touched when you cooked dinners for me, waited by my car, preparing special occasions for me, your undivided love/attention for me. I enjoyed spending time with you, sharing my thoughts/dreams with you, visiting new places with you, fulfilling your dreams together. I enjoyed buying gifts/needs for you. Once time I got you a yellow mini cooper from Ebay, you burst into tears and surprised me. I enjoyed your appreciation and affirmation.

Our relationship has ended and everything here should no longer be real and affecting me. I refuse to bring all of these into my presence and future. I refuse to hate you and hate/love our relationship. I refuse to regret. I refuse to stay angry. I refuse to stay hurt. I refuse to stay bitter. Jesus set me free from this relationship and all of the pains. Jesus redeemed my life so that I can have a brand new, meaningful life with Him. I belong to Jesus. All of these memories belong to Jesus and I trust in Him. I trust that Jesus will take great care of me. He will heal me in His time and the best treatment plan. I proclaim that I'm now free from this relationship, free from this person. I have the power to live my life and enjoy what Jesus gives me.