Rapha 312's discoveries about me....
1. I'm self-centered and narrow minded; I set my own idea and would not listen to any other idea. I'm very stubborn.
2. I love KL deeply and will take another 10-20 years, until someone else can cherish me like she did.
3. Deep in my heart, I want to chase KL and beg her back. Even if she left her marriage/husband for me, I want to punish her by making her go through the pain she put me through. I want to revenge. This temptation to revenge is not from God. If KL left her marriage for me, what kind of person is she really?
Can I stop and choose to minimize people getting hurt from this revenge? I love KL because I want something from her, not because I want her to be good.
4. I choose opposite from authority figure. Rooted from being in the womb, mom wanted to kill me but I decided to go against her will. This created a pattern in me that I would not listen to authority and be as stubborn as I can be with their opposite choice.
5. Mom is getting old and too tired to continue to fight me, so I continue this inner struggle by making choices that bring me trouble/suffering. I make choices that don't really help myself, so I struggle with myself inside.
6. God led me to Golden Heritage to show me my limitations and how I really feel toward KL. Now that I see myself collapsing, I continue to stay and blame God for this misery. God gave me a choice to stay or leave/stop this suffering. I need to take responsibility and consequence of my passive choice (stay at GH and be with KL).
7. I perform very well at GH and make myself irreplaceable so I could stay at my job to be with KL.
8. My clavicles and shoulders were sored for 2 days that I woke up for 2 nights in a row. (Sabrina said this is normal "breaking process" as we had some deep work the night before. My body is so solidified that it hurts when it is being torn down)
9. I am distant with Father God, as I didn't feel loved by my dad.
10. I don't trust Holy Spirit nor allow Him inside my heart
11. I use Jesus to meet my agenda. I wait for Him to fulfill my agenda first, before He could proceed to His.
12. I get distracted all the time. Stay focus!
