When we met at church, we became friends and got to know each other better. My heart started to itch for a romantic relationship with her and wanted to explore further. For the same reason, the devil planted that desire and pride in us. We soon fell in love and couldn't suppress our emotions/desires. Our love took off and grew into a beautiful thing that we both admired. We did things that we weren't proud of, we upset our Lord, we hid from Him and we continued this joy and fun relationship.
Sometime I felt ashamed and guilty to be near God, my heart was burdened with the thought of breaking up. What if she can't handle the break up? I heard "who do you think you are? You are not in control. I am in control of her life and I will take care of her."
I broke up with her via msn messenger and she acted like someone different for a while. She called and mumbled inaudible words like a person in shock. As I heard that she went crazy/unable to control herself, I was heart broken. I was still in love with her. When she returned to my town, we hung out like friends. She'd want to snuggle, but I'd run away. That frozen relationship/friendship lasted 2-3 months. She made new friends and at times she was busy. I was happy for her. When I learned that she has started dating this guy, I went mad. I felt helpless and wanted her back badly. I didn't remember what I did but I expressed that I wanted her back, I love her so much and I'm in pain watching her date another guy. After 2 weeks, she finally broke off with that guy and returned to me. I made a promise that I'll never leave her again.
Another year went by, we were happily enjoying one another. A friend told me that she is dating another guy. I told him, no way, I know who she is with. I observed and found nothing. Several weeks later I found phone call history of them chatting overnight and I found this guy. He rejected her love. I told her I knew and she came to say sorry and wanted me back. I was emotional but I didn't want to lose her. I agreed to give it a try. I should've asked her why she'd fall in love with another person when she is still dating me? Why did you want to come back to me when you are not ready?
2 months of normal relationship, we hung out, we met up for dinners, we went on trips, and we talked on the phones. Her conversation grew shorter and briefer. I wondered why so I looked up her phone call history, nothing. I went to her house and stayed there to see who came through. I watched her go online and chatted with friends on Fb. Once when I looked closer at her screen, she hid her chat window with one person. I didn't think much of it. She became less interested in my life and I had a difficult time adjusting. I would hang out at her house till very late and watched her behavior. One time I stole her phone and read some text messages. I found her calling another guy husband and I miss you, etc. I couldn't handle it. My heart was racing so fast and my legs trembled as I held her phone. I wanted to smash her phone to the floor but I didn't. I left her message open on the table and sat on floor. I started to cry and tremble. She found her message and stood next to me. We didn't exchange a word. She watched me cry. I felt angry, sad, insulted and wanted revenge. I ran out to my car, she followed. I felt ashamed to look hurt in front of her so I started my car. She called me while I drove and called. My tears came down, I barely saw the road. After 20 minutes, she called me and I finally answered. She said she is at my home. I told her I'm not there, I'm driving aimlessly.
Our relationship was stormy and deep. She was the only one who came this close to my heart. No one else has seen this side of me nor all of my dreams and wild thoughts.
